I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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