i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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