Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
