i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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