I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Never joke about your clitoris.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
