If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
