Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
