Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
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