Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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