I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
