where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
