I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
