i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
