dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
