then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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