well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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