Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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