i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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