There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
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