About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
