your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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