I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Randomize
