Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
