why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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