guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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