onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
