It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
