there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
