Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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