i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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