sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
then he tried to convert me to islam
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
that is very illegal...i love you.
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