My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
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