I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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