I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
