the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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