Non-Jews are for practice
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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