I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Randomize
