I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
