Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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