I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize
