That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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