you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
