i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
This is classic penis vs brain.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
