we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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