Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
