i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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