true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
