But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
