Banned from zoo.
Again?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
