Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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