my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
