kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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