I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i think im in europe. pls send help
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